September 11th, 2008

Quark, Thinking

Twitter Posts

From My Twitter:

  • 00:23 I swear I'm going to bash my father's skull in one day. #
  • 00:28 Nah... Maybe building a bomb so I can take the my entire work with me and him. #
  • 10:55 I've calmed down, but the stress is going to kill me one day. #
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Quark, Thinking


Due to several misunderstandings of recent posts, I feel the need to make something clear that I had previously thought self-evident. I tend to have a few spurts of emotional posts where I make statements that are radical, and probably unwise. These two posts are the two most recent ones of this class which have made me realize that there was misunderstanding of what was going on.

Think of me as a Class O star, Mr. Hyde, or The Hulk. My emotions burn bright, burn hot, but don't burn long, and soon burn out.

Also, I have no traditional outlets for my emotion, so writing in my journal can be a type of therapy for me. I have a very active imagination, so the actual planning of anything can be just as effective for me as actually doing anything.

So why do I keep these types of posts in my journal? Well, I have told myself that I'd be keeping a record of the truth in my journal, and at the time of writing those posts, that is exactly how I felt. If I had the means of doing something at that moment, I would have done exactly as I described. I praise God that most of the time, I have not had the means and the motivation at the same time. By the time I've gotten any means in the past, my emotion has burned out and my logical self has kicked in and I've realized that what I thought while emotional isn't the best thing. The one time I can think of when I had means and motivation is high school and I punched out my gym teacher. I was so angry at that point I don't even remember doing it. He wasn't even the target of my aggression. He just happened to get in the way.

So how are you supposed to take these types of journal entries? Well, basically, you probably shouldn't take them as actual plans to do anything. The best barometer of seeing whether I'll actually do anything is to see whether I'm still going on about it after a day of being separated from the source of irritation. If I'm still hot about it the next day, then it's probably serious. If not, the post just boils down to "Mike was pissed off that day." A good night's sleep usually brings clarity to my head. So, give me support, tell me you understand, but don't think I'm actually going to do anything rash unless you see my emotion continue to simmer the next day.

Thank you for your attention and time.