My tweets

Sat, 15:10: RT @MisterGreggles: This is stupid funny. https://t.co/7PnhBPRtRG
Sat, 15:15: RT @ChrisHallbeck: Wife: I am not leaving the house with you wearing socks and sandals again. Me: Ugh, fine! *I take the socks off reveal…
Sat, 15:17: RT @patrickmcurry: Me: Hey, I'm left-handed, and I can't use your product. Dev: But all of the creators love the product this way. Me: I kn…
Sat, 15:17: RT @duretti: switching jobs this frequently is the only leverage i have to make a better salary in a system that has consistently conspired…
Sat, 15:18: RT @Oatmeal: My brain at night: Ok, he's asleep. Let's install some new updates. Shit. Version conflict. Install failed Let's roll ba…
Sat, 15:18: RT @Archivd: A programmer walks into a bar and orders 1.000000119 root beers. The bartender says, "I'm gonna have to charge you extra; that…
Sat, 16:40: RT @smaine: TIL that changing random stuff until your program works is "hacky" and "bad coding practice" but if you do it fast enough it's…
Sat, 18:01: RT @BostonJerry: Who could ever have guessed that a system that forces us to spend 80% of our waking hours commuting to/working at jobs tha…
Sat, 18:02: RT @RvLeshrac: Lyft has a $15 "lost item return fee." Not returning someone's lost property is called "theft." Charging someone to return…
Sat, 18:02: RT @RvLeshrac: And if you have, say, someone's lost laptop, not returning someone's lost property is called "a felony."

Sat, 18:03: RT @sugarsh0t: I like my peanut butter crunchy and the bones of my enemies crunched! Join me at https://t.co/JnODNC7TSp for further carnage…
Sat, 18:04: RT @chillmage: did i do this right https://t.co/asJzhtFtMa
Sat, 18:04: RT @terrycrews: WE ARE BACK! @NBC PICKED US UP FOR A 6TH SEASON!!!🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 THANK YOU INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!! "NINE NINE" https://t.co/JSi…
Sat, 18:05: RT @MomokaRage: NOOOOOOOOOO https://t.co/EreAZ0M7vE
Sat, 18:07: RT @paperbeatstweet: brooklyn nine nine twitter tonight https://t.co/R29aFCvFZi
Sat, 18:08: RT @sallyrugg: silly millenials https://t.co/sV4kfURVRn
Sun, 07:27: RT @SireLeoLamar: Rape. He wanted to rape her. He broke into her house to rape her. Those that are going to have sex with someone are invit…
Sun, 07:28: RT @WakeUpSuper: This is how you rustle the jimmies of my discord https://t.co/Qb6xRV7Xkw
Sun, 07:28: RT @apsalar: Me, a millennial: I have 8 different chat programs running on my computer and phone.
Sun, 07:29: RT @grime_lord: I have had it up to here with animals https://t.co/HHbeAyOC7Z

Sun, 07:33: RT @PadraigBelton: It's been two years. So it's worth revisiting the time a friend was slightly confused by her + Jews! travel charger. Be…
Sun, 07:37: RT @ASmallFiction: "Might makes right." "Is that true?" "It must be. It rhymes." "So what if strong makes wrong?" "How dare you turn rh…
Sun, 07:39: RT @saladinahmed: watching Charlie’s Angels (2000) and the villain’s technological plot that they’re trying to stop is just...wow https://t…
Sun, 07:49: RT @ExperienceBeej: https://t.co/a5VnZ1WNqV
Sun, 07:50: RT @KenJennings: https://t.co/0jsO9ZynEe
Sun, 07:50: RT @James_LRR: Got 7 wins in a MtG Arena Dominaria Draft. Me: I won the whole magic thing, I’m the best magic player ever. Ashley: Well…
Sun, 07:53: RT @bobservo: nice, Target is now carrying cards for Hate the Young Day https://t.co/1YBdTtDu9l
Sun, 07:54: RT @IamKrisLondon: WHY BRO WHYYY 😭 https://t.co/CJ18ix5qSU
Sun, 07:57: RT @ExperienceBeej: https://t.co/ip3qZCMMKD
Sun, 07:59: RT @korvys: https://t.co/lfBVHYVt7J

Sun, 08:00: RT @UnburntWitch: fuck, i just pulled a muscle in my neck because i saw an ad for a new fifty shades movie that I didn't know existed and i…
Sun, 08:00: RT @nbc: We got your SIX! #Brooklyn99 is officially coming to NBC! https://t.co/NNQw2OZquH
Sun, 08:01: RT @DaveGalanter: Me: According to this website, I would be killed by Thanos in #InfinityWar. Wife: Would that be considered an accident?…
Sun, 08:04: RT @SwiftOnSecurity: Linux does not support sound or WiFi and all the pixels on your desktop are just a zoomed-out terminal window that ref…
Sun, 08:05: RT @ManInTheHoody: "hello, 911, id like report that a suspicious black person just went into trader joe's" "thanks for calling this in, ok…
Sun, 08:07: RT @ihorner: Go home Apple Photos app, you’re drunk. https://t.co/0psPAlb2rc
Sun, 08:09: RT @sahluwal: The people of Flint, Michigan still don’t have clean water. https://t.co/RRo0NaWSsH
Sun, 08:13: RT @SaHreports: #Eurovision https://t.co/MGd0F0fLQm https://t.co/H62h4b5HrD
Sun, 08:14: RT @sergeyager: I could get used to this kind of work day. https://t.co/YaxUNU5M1u
Sun, 08:14: RT @daleweisinger: I’m going to take you all down with me https://t.co/sNyL5Bdzsm

Sun, 08:49: RT @FakeUnicode: Found a shell on the beach. How to install a sea interpreter, though? https://t.co/94XJMUehO9
Sun, 08:52: RT @Sharp_tK: Dont say anything just retweet 😂😂😂 https://t.co/yeWlrNIPg3
Sun, 08:53: RT @LaserbeaksFury: Starting a fresh playthrough of God of War on the hardest difficulty. Come watch me die a lot. https://t.co/E8d9RumHdt
Sun, 11:05: RT @danthat: no thank you https://t.co/oJuipb31ff
Sun, 11:06: RT @rokwon_: me: [minor task I've been putting off for months: I finally get to it] me: [I gather all my courage, & I do the dreaded thing!…
Sun, 11:07: RT @TheLitCritGuy: Existential comics introducing Musk to socialism by owning him publicly: https://t.co/oxgwL5KMsT
Sun, 11:11: RT @Sparkle_Possum: Someone at my PPTQ today mentioned casting Dub targeting Yargle. I present to you Sir Yargelot: https://t.co/iqFABl3jJE
Sun, 11:15: RT @DavidCShipley: Nothing to see here. Just two doctors happily congratulating themselves on their "critical thinking" while normalising p…
Sun, 11:17: RT @DesertGIF: You’re Hogwarts’ Only Guidance Counselor. Can You Convince Anyone To Go To College? https://t.co/PmUnIGnINy